A lump in my throat while I was reading your poem and related experience.
Wowsers. What a way to process on the page. Sharing to heal others too.
I have to share …. more like over share! Proof that words are never able to express the complete story….
… I have felt the fear too. Many times. Close encounters with the power of the ocean humbles me. Learning to respect its power a little more each time…knowing how quickly any sense of control can be lost.
Random 10ft sets one day as a 15 year old. 3 hours struggling to get back to shore inbetween washing machine tumbles and not knowing which way was up fresh in my mind to remind me.
Then the kids! Next level.
Billie was 18 months sitting on the shoreline.. a wave returning to the sea knocked her over and took her with it. A scream I didn’t realise was my own took me sprinting after her in the white wash. My heart thumping, tears in my eyes as I picked her up. She was fine. Laughing even. I was not.
Boj made us go each day the following week to process and calm my fear.
While the fear still simmers inside me, I can’t stay dry. The ocean’s call too loud for me to ignore.
Risk assessment of the rips, checking lifeguards are on duty, swimming in between the flags and being on heightened alert when the girls are with me.
I stay close by or on the shore line… eyes peeled on them and the horizon, when they are in the water or playing close to it.
Only going in for an self-indulgent dip once they are all out up on the dry sand building castles.
There are times it is too rough. I know my limits these days. I won’t go when it is.
Most of our nephews are surfers. We are happy to watch. They surf breaks called Grunters, Dumpers, Gas Bay, Gallows and Guillotines.
If they were called soft pillows or marshmallows then we would be right there in the water with them!
K so yep I babbled ALOT here trying to just say… hey I understand the fear. We all have our way to deal and balance it. No right. No wrong. Just what is for you.
Knowing your word will pull you through.
Your children are blessed to have such a self aware mother that keeps empowering them to be them.
You are awesome.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for being you.
Smiling you found Know Thyself, Heal Thyself. Diana, Spyder and the whole community here has been key to helping me to heal me.