a lot…e impression that my friends are living in heaven and their father is treating their mother nicely. But when I started visiting my friends for lunch or so, I realized they are not hitting their mother but emotional and mental abuse is very high there too. I started concluding no marriage is a happy marriage. It’s just a myth. We hide a lot inside of us …
I have no idea why I believed the anger only came from substances. It comes from within them. Their own wounds. Unable to process and face them they take it out on those closest to them.
I am by no means condoning this kind of behaviour at all, just attempting to understand why and how it can happen.
Each story unique, but I am beginning to learn more being a parent myself.
My parents’ voices and actions would automatically come out of my mouth when my limits were pushed. I have given my daughter one single smack in 6 years…it was to stop her running out in front of a train. That is how I justified it. Looking back I am sure there would have been a better way.
My parents were angels compared to many. I was lucky. We would still get a whack with the wooden spoon or leather strap here and there, but it was the way of discipline carried on from generation to generation.
Silent treatment was a big one for us. It could go on for weeks.
It has taken a lot of looking in and raising my inner child to stop autopilot kicking in and turning into my parents. It still does happen sometimes…but very rarely. Thankfully.
I remember my sister coming home one Father’s Day with black eyes and a swollen lip. My father immediately went to the apartment she was sharing with her abusive partner and moved all her things home. Luckily she didn’t go back. Her self worth reawakened that Father’s Day. It had been months and months she was being hit beforehand though. She says at the time she felt like she deserved it. She didn’t feel like she was “enough” to be treated better.
Her ex, moved on to hitting someone new almost immediately. The cycle repeats.
I am trambling (typing ramble) here as I don’t have any idea what to say to help. I am hoping to join some dots in the process.
I am not sure I can.
Domestic violence is a massive issue. The more people talk about it as you have, the closer we can get to bringing more awareness and answers to it.
A close friend of mine is now bringing up her niece… her sister killed by the hand of her niece’s father. He was on a restraining order to not go within a certain distance of her sister. Obviously the bit of paper didn’t save her sister’s life.
It isn’t all one sided either. I know females that are just as violent.
Case and point – Robert Nelson’s novel “Again…dammit”. It may be presented as fictional, but I know the story is a reality for many.
The consequences run deep. For generations. And generations.
Consciously raising kids is the most important fucking thing we can do as a parent/career/teacher/aunty/uncle/friend etc
You need to study to pass a test to get a license to drive a car, surely raising a human should trigger us to learn how to guide our children better?
Apologies for the tangents I went on there. This shit charges me…
I thank you again for sharing your story.
I know it will send ripples of change.
Thank you as always for being you. x