Thanks for sharing your words. They have the power to make people stop asking these questions from a place of auto-pilot. Have an awareness as to the reasons why somebody may or may not have no, 1 or many children.
I know I am guilty have having those same words have slip out of my mouth. These words have been received many times by my ears too.
For me, I am like a fountain spilling it all these days. I don’t have an off button as my brother tells me. My thinking around this was and still is, that if someone asks/ed me then I will openly share my story. If they didn’t want to hear it, then they shouldn’t have asked.
I told/tell them about the tough time I had. That I wasn’t a natural mother. It was hard from me. I expressed after undiagnosed tongue tie, inverted nipples and latching difficulties, not sleeping more than an hour for 7 weeks while I was clueless that I was starving my child, and then expressing milk around the clock while I was slightly insane from lack of sleep and possible post natal depression. All trying to meet the expectations that had been feed down my throat of what a good mother was.
My partner and I were willing and able to have a second daughter, after losing one in between, finding out my eldest had anaphylaxis and I having the fear I would turn into the person I did with our first. Our second arrived healthy, feed well and has no known Allergies. Three months into her being alive, my partner was diagnosed with a cancerous lump.
Mmmm long story. Anyway its been a whirlwind of 6 years of becoming a mum – the list of things goes on. It is challenging, but I have learnt so much about myself – things I didn’t know I needed to know. We all do what we believe is the right thing. No judgement. Each of us makes a decision and we are entitled to make that choice without judgement.
You are so right though. We never know exactly what others are going through, or been through. Spilling my guts instead of the pilot yes or no answers is my way of making others understand more what some question means for some people… just like your words have done here.
Thanks again for sharing them. And thanks for being you. I wish you all the very best on whatever comes on your parenting journey next.