These words are pretty much describing what I have been trying the last year or so.

I had thought I had got to a point where I had become the person I needed to be to be with my partner. Then as life does, shit changed. A new level of context “felt” instead of just living on an intellectual level.

The fear… that bloody fear. Showed me I wasn’t as solid on the “knowing” and “being” as I thought.

Funny about the task of saying I am not…. I did a few weeks of “I am” for everything. I am that plant, I am that leaf, I am my partner, I am my daughters…. I started believing I was the all mighty powerful itself.

Had to take a breather from that… not ready! My capacity needs expanding slower first. Step by step.

I agree — the doubt, the fear, the seemingly worse thing becoming the best thing with hindsight. I get it … but when it is in the moment… I forget. My conscious mind disappears… I fall. When I realise I am, I tend to beat myself up. Still have that hang up to clear too hhaah..

eh sigh. It is what has to be done. I accept it. I accept the universe throwing the lessons of life at me…. I know it’s for my own good.

And I know, without Boj’s drinking habits, and becoming a mum, there is no way I would have been slapped into action. I needed both and the pain to feel like fixing me was worth it.

I trust you know again, that you do matter. You matter to me. Which means you matter for you. Love does make a difference…a big difference for us all while we in this mortal realm!

Thank you for being a light for me… your experience and words bring me comfort… I don’t have the words to express how much it helps…..knowing that I am not alone with the continual unfolding.

As always, thank you for being you.

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